Breastfeeding: A Reflection

Just a few days ago my daughter, Pumpkin, turned 18 months and this milestone got me to thinking about our breastfeeding journey as a mother and daughter; and to be honest, it has been a tough one.  I never thought that when I made the decision to breastfeed that it would be one of the toughest decisions of being a mother, even tougher than natural childbirth.  But, we have been going strong for over 18 months now and I am still happy that I made the decision to breastfeed at all costs.

Our breastfeeding relationship did not start out perfect.  Pumpkin had trouble latching and we had to use a nipple shield.  I didn’t think anything of using one because it helped her get food, but for those first 4 months she was constantly eating.  I felt as if she was never full, sometimes I would spend 4, 5, even 6 hours just sitting on the couch as she went back and forth, never filling up.  I tried to wean of the shield, but then she would refuse to eat so I eventually gave up and kept with the shield.  Around 4.5 months, Pumpkin decided that she had enough of the shield and pulled it off and reattached herself without any help from me!  After this there was an instant change: she started eating faster and talking longer breaks in between, which was a great relief to me, but as a very independent woman, I always struggled with her needing me so much.  I suppose that sounds like a terrible thing to admit, but I’m trying to be honest.  I have never been needed like that.  While it feels nice, it has been very taxing on me emotionally and physically.

But when I sit down and really think about what being able to breastfeed has meant to me, I realize that it is not about the 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6 am feedings, it isn’t about the constant need and attention. It is about making sure that my daughter has the best start I am able to give her.  It’s about the looks we share and the closeness we have as a result. And, it’s about following through with my decision to breastfeed until at least 2 years (as recommended by the World Health Organization) or when she self-weans.  Breastfeeding is just the second of many sacrifices that I will make over the years for my daughter’s well being.

The struggles we have are easy to focus on, but I also realize how fortunate I am to have the support I need to successfully breastfeed this long and that I was physically able to do it.  My husband, family, friends and health care professionals have all been there to make sure that I was successful in this endeavor.  Without them, I probably would have given up a long time ago.  So after 18 months (and still going), I guess all I can do is say “thank you” to my support system and hope that I can be part of that support system for others.