Taking the Fear Out of Birth: Facing the Unknown

Taking the Fear Out of Birth: Facing the Unknown

By Amy Wehner, childbirth educator and doula (wwww.familybirthsupportservices.com)

Childbirth is different from any other experience because each woman just doesn’t know how it will turn out for her. When we get pregnant, especially for the first time, we hear lots of stories about different births, some good, some bad, and we start to worry about how our birth will go. The reality is that there is no way to know 100% what will happen during birth because every woman, pregnancy and baby is different. However, there are many ways a woman can prepare herself for birth and make the unknown known. Here are some steps you can take to help overcome the fear of the unknown.

First, get educated. If this is your first pregnancy, you have already spent a lot of time researching parenting, cribs, bouncers, toys, and car seats, but have you researched birth? The best way to prepare is to learn about natural birth, how the body is supposed to work in pregnancy and labor, what is normal during labor and how to react to the normal process. In order to do this, you can take a childbirth education course that teaches natural birth, watch videos on YouTube (search “natural childbirth” or “Bradley birth” to see examples of normal birth), and read research online (try www.evidencebasedbirth.com). One caveat, If you research online, make sure you are looking at your sources, a blog may be very subjective and not based on actual research, and other health resources may be biased in other ways, so read different articles from various sources.

You will also want to educate yourself about your options in birth and the real risks. Fear of the unknown may actually be attributed to your fear of specific aspects of birth, like pain, complications, medications, and making decisions. So, ask yourself, where is my fear really coming from and then learn about the realities of those fears. We will be addressing some of these in future articles, but many of the fears that arise stem from a lack of understanding about the realities of childbirth. A proper childbirth education course will teach you about these realities and how to ask the right questions to get the information you need.

Second, build a good support team, talk to them about your wishes for your birth, and make a plan. After you research, you will have a better idea of what you want for your birth experience. The next step is to decide who you want to support you. Choose an OB, doctor, or midwife that fully supports your wishes and gives you answers to the questions you have without hesitation.  Next, consider who you want to support you in labor: your husband? Partner? Mother? Doula? Or combination of these? Make sure they attend childbirth classes with you and are educated about natural birth, the normal progression of labor, ways to support you during labor, and the real risks of childbirth so they can help you make the right decisions during labor. You want to make sure that anyone you ask to be on your team can be with you through the entire labor so you are constantly supported.

Third, communicate and practice.  Talk to your support people about your fears. Communicate with your partner about your desires for your birth.  Discuss the pros and cons of all treatments that you may encounter during labor. Practice and discuss different labor scenarios and what you would do in each situation. Doing this will give you the opportunity to address many of the unknown aspects of labor and give you a plan.

Finally, trust your body and your baby.  Women have been birthing for millennia and for most of that time completely naturally.  Your body was designed to know exactly what to do to during labor. Trusting in that power is the most important step to getting over that last hurdle of the unknown. Once you have done these things you will find that you have made many of the “unknown” aspects of labor “known” and you can move forward with confidence instead of fear.

For more information on education and support contact info@familybirthsupportservices.com.

Taking the Fear Out of Birth: Loss of Privacy/Modesty

I would like to welcome today guest writer Kylie Saari.  When I moved back to southern Minnesota, I was very fortunate to come into contact with her as a fellow birth worker.  Since then, we have been working together to provide many of the new opportunities and resources for pregnant women in the Fairmont area.  Together, we are writing the Taking the Fear Out of Birth column for the Photo Press we will be sharing that with all of my readers.  This is an excellent column on the fear of "Loss of Privacy/Modesty" that appeared in the Fairmont Photo Press two weeks ago.  Enjoy!

Taking the Fear Out of Birth: Loss of Privacy/Modesty

by Kylie Saari, birth doula, Family Birth Support Services

Over the years, the concern for privacy in the medical fields has lead hospitals to create private labor and delivery rooms and wards so quiet, it is often difficult to know if there are any other women on the floor. Nurses and doctors knock before they enter a room, and ask permission before performing any procedures.

Despite the focus on patient privacy, many pregnant women continue to list the fear of a loss of privacy and the loss of modesty as one of their biggest concerns about labor, specifically the fear of being undressed in front of strangers or losing control of their bodies.

In an uncomplicated birth, a baby exits the mother from an area she typically keeps covered, so it is unsurprising this could cause a bit of alarm, especially for first-time moms. Another reason laboring moms tend to shed their clothing during labor is simply because their bodies are working hard, and as with any strenuous exercise, they get hot. It can be unsettling to women when they hear other moms recall birth stories saying they didn’t even think about their state of undress, and if they had thought about it, they wouldn’t have cared. It can be frightening to think of yourself acting in a different way than you would in a “normal” situation.

Despite widespread concern of pregnant women on this issue, few moms report feelings of humiliation or embarrassment following birth. In fact, there is at least one childbirth preparation method that teaches labor coaches to watch for the changes to laboring mom’s level of modesty. As her cervix dilates and she moves toward transition, the period of labor before she begins pushing, her level of modesty decreases. I have attended moms in five different hospital systems, and have never met a mom who recalled feeling embarrassed about what she was wearing during labor. Her body is completely focused on the task at hand, and those attending the birth are unlikely to be phased by it.

Still, there are ways to for mom to keep covered during labor. It isn’t unusual to find moms in labor wearing sports bras to keep themselves covered up top, even if their lower half needs to be exposed. Hospital gowns and robes, while not particularly stylish, keep do a fairly good job of keeping mom covered, especially when she is out walking the halls during a particularly long labor. There are even specifically made labor gowns available for purchase online.

Labor gowns typically look like a cross between a sundress and a nightgown, with halter straps that can be untied for breastfeeding, low cut back to facilitate an epidural, and two front slits to accommodate external monitors. The dresses range in cost from $25 - $150, and while I have concerns about the emphasis some of the websites put on making sure mom is pretty during labor and the idea of capitalizing on someone’s fear, the dresses themselves seem like a reasonable alternative to a hospital gown if a woman is set on it.

As for “losing control”, it is important to remember that the pregnant woman’s body should be in control of labor - not necessarily her mind. In unmedicated births, body changes, both chemical and physical, work in concert, without much higher level thinking involved. Learning to surrender to labor, to trust that the body knows what it is doing, will do wonders toward shortening labor, relieving pain, and smoothly delivering a baby. If a woman and her labor support person understand the changes in labor, and know what to expect, it is unlikely she will be embarrassed in the process.

For more information on the stages of labor and how to prepare for birth, contact, Kylie Saari at familybirthsupport@hotmail.com, or Amy Wehner at amywehner30@gmail.com.